Hi I will try to keep this brief but I am not sure how to handle this situation.
My daughter was over at a friend’s (they are both 10 years old). They apparently got into some mischief and were found with some flour, food coloring and glue in her friend’s room. Her friend apparently had mixed up the concoction with her feet and then walked directly onto her carpet.
Both kids had been told prior to this that they could not play with these items and apparently went behind Dad’s back. Needless to say when he found out he was pretty angry which I can totally understand.
Here comes the tricky part, my daughter was very shaken and concerned for her friend when she came home. She told me that her friend’s father had yelled at her friend and called her a “stupid idiot” several times. She also informed me that he hit her friend on the head 3 times and then proceeded to kick her friend in the buttocks.
I don’t typically like to get involved in these situations but when it comes to children I don’t like to see them hurt. I don’t know if her mother is aware of what happened as far as her being hit and name calling etc.. I don’t know what to do since I actually did not see this happen. Should I let her mother know or do you think there is another route I should take here?
I was unable to sleep last night. I have come to know this family fairly well since my daughter and her have become good friends. My daughter has told me that she does not want to go over there anymore. I have not reason to believe that she is making this up. Perhaps you can help me put this into perspective.
Thanks in advance,
Concerned Mother
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Dear Concerned Mother,
This is indeed a tricky and difficult situation, and I can only tell you how I would handle it, and I am sure that many people will disagree with me (and that many others will agree).
Were it me, and our child involved in this situation, and because you have indicated that your child and the other family’s child are good friends and that you know the family fairly well, I would feel that an explanation as to why your daughter suddenly does not want to go there any more is in order. I know that if one of my child’s close friends suddenly stopped coming over to play, I would want to know why.
So, were it me, I would contact the other child’s mother (because it would by nature be with the mother with whom I would have the closest relationship in the family), and I would not lay blame, say “did you know that…?” or anything else.
Rather, I would simply say “We’re really sorry about the blue carpet incident; please let us know if there is a cleaning bill, and we will of course contribute to it. I also wanted to let you know that it may be a while before little Janie comes over to play with Ruthie again. While we recognize that everyone has different parenting styles, and that’s ok, she’s just really uncomfortable around name calling and physical punishment, and while, again, everyone’s parenting style is different, we’re not going to push her to go somewhere that she’s not comfortable.”
Now, it may be that the other mother would ask me for details, or she might not. Again, were it me, and if she did, I’d explain that I really didn’t want to get involved, and that she should speak with her husband and daughter, and that I was just wanting to explain to her why Janie would not be visiting for a while.
Again, everybody’s style is different, and this may or may not be what would work for you – it is simply how I would handle the situation were it something with which I was confronted.
Anne